Thursday, May 7, 2009

Lucy and Ethel


Maggie had a chest x-ray this morning, which is always an adventure. Inevitably, the x-ray techs are NOT happy when they see Maggie. They always ask if she can sit up on her own. When I say no, they realize they have to get creative. Today was no exception. I have to stay in the room, wear a lead apron and hold Maggie still in these wild positions so they can get the shot they need. It is like playing twister, only it is not a game.

Maggie is not sick, but some symptoms are starting. I know the drill well enough by now that this will continue for a few days and then she will be sick. I cannot let that happen. I have to go pick up #2 son from school on Monday and will be gone for 36 hours. The routine is carefully set, but a sick Maggie is not part of the plan. For once in her life she did this mid week instead of 5:00PM on Friday. Today is clinic day at Pulmonology and we scooted right in there. Sweet.
The doc ordered a chest x-ray just in case that rubber syringe tip she swallowed a month or so ago was the cause of the problem. My heart dropped at that thought. I presume she swallowed it and it’s stuck in her system somewhere; it never crossed my mind that it could be in her LUNGS. She just wanted to be sure, so off we went to radiology.
We were met by two techs I named Lucy and Ethel.
They frowned at Maggie, then looked at each other and frowned again. Lucy asked if Maggie had ever had a chest x-ray before. (Keep in mind Maggie has a trach, and generally they do not put those in without at least a couple of pictures of her chest to show it’s necessary). I just smiled and said, “About 10,000 times.” They looked at the chair to see how they would do it, clucked back and forth and seemed lost. I said, “Look, the way we can do this is put some foam behind her, scoot her forward in the chair, flip the lateral supports back out of the way and I will hold her so you can get the shot. It’s worked before.”
They said that would not work. Ok. I just pushed her into the room. Ethel was VERY concerned about Maggie’s Hannah Montana shirt because it had sparklies on it that are metallic and can show up on x-ray. “That’s ok,” I said, “let’s just take it off.” Lucy then went on for five minutes about how they need a plain t-shirt. I should never have put this shirt on her. “Weeeelllll,” I said “I had no idea we were getting a chest x-ray and don’t generally dress with radiology on my mind and we can always take it off.” That fell flat; my sarcasm was lost on these two. They were buzzing around knocking into each other. She started again with the shirt and losing my patience I said, “Let’s just do this, I’ll take it off her.” (for the 3rd time) “Ok mom* but next time….. “ I stopped her. “Let’s just deal with this time.”
They unhooked all of Maggie’s buckles and supports as I was putting on my lead apron.
‘Wait a minute”, I said, “she’ll fall!” Ethel says” No Mom”* she looks pretty stable to me. I said, “Well she’s not.” I lurched forward to catch Maggie as she started slumping over to the side. Neither even noticed. It was like watching C3PO buzz around; they were smart but oblivious to what was right in front of them. After conferring, they told me a chest x-ray was not going to be possible, and I told them she has done it before and we do not have a choice. More clucking and scurrying back and forth. I said, “Why don’t we try the foam and moving the chair parts like I suggested, it’s worked before.”
They started tossing foam behind Maggie and had me hold her hand above her head, but for some reason only gave me her right hand. I asked her to give me the left hand because I could not reach down and get it without letting go of something important. Not listening, Lucy kept putting the left one on the armrest of the chair. Maggie would move it, of course. I told her again that Maggie could not keep her other hand still and finally made a quick grab for it. I was like a magician pulling the tablecloth out. Now I am standing behind the chair trying to support Maggie in the chair, with no straps as she is pushed forward in the seat with her hands over her head. In addition, I have to make sure my arms are not in the field for the shot. It was very precarious. Lucy and Ethel thought this was a good time to move the entire chair back a few inches and then discuss it. I thought I was going to scream.
We got the shots. The lungs are clear. No foreign bodies. Yay.She needs antibiotics, but that's it.

Lucy and Ethel were high fiving each other. One of them came up to me and said “Try to remember next time she needs an x-ray, tell the tech that pushing her forward in the chair with foam behind her, moving the side things and you holding her hands up really works.”

Really? I will try to remember that.

Oh, and I am not your mom.

3 comments:

  1. I wanted to scream just reading todays blog!!! I could totally picture what you were trying to do and I wasnt even there!! I wonder why THEY couldnt "get the picture"???

    Amanda and girls

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  2. what a mess! sheesh. you sure made me laugh though. don't know how you made it through that experience. sarcasm wouldn't have been enough for me!!

    glad her lungs were clear!
    mary

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  3. love, love, love this. i'd love to say that it's unbelievable but it's actually quite believable. and I'm happy to see that there are others who hate being called "mom."

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Hi Maggie loves your comments. It may take a while for the comment to post, but you will see it eventually.